The Lionel and Bruce Show

by Nick Delonas

In 1995, Lionel asked me to write the worst song ever for him when I called into his WABC radio show and mentioned that I write songs sometimes. This was the result.

Don't touch that radio
Bruce and Lionel come on next you know
Get back! Stand back I say
Or I'll pee in your soup today
Hey hey!

Lionel is crass you hear
Well! Listen pal I've got your taste right here
Only a dolt would miss Lionel and Bruce

Bruce has big feet and hands
Lionel doesn't but he has a band
If you've got poop for brains
It's not meant for all Dicks and Janes
(who'd train?)

Lionel talks fast and loud
And uses all the biggest words allowed
Only a dolt would miss Lionel and Bruce

You can hear lots of big words every day
Like flambé, melee, passé, communiqué,
Multiplicand, remand, banned and misunderstand
Oh! Big big big big big big big big words and big hands
Lordy!

Don't touch that radio
Bruce and Lionel come on next you know
Get back! Stand back I say
Or I'll pee in your soup today
Hey hey!

Lionel is crass you hear
Well! Listen pal I've got your taste right here
Only a dolt would miss Lionel and Bruce


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